Timeless Wisdom: 10 Life Lessons for Happiness from Grandma Monnin

Mary Ida Monnin is 97 years old. I am her proud eldest granddaughter. As a young child, I was lucky to spend a few weeks in the summer with Grandma and Grandpa. And being the oldest of four siblings, when you got to do anything by yourself or be the center of attention - it was a real treat. Summers with Mary (Grandma) were spent at the river, late nights watching Johnny Carson with some ice cream, helping with household chores at the same time; “Days of Our Lives” played in the background, picking vegetables from the garden, visiting nearby family members, eating Grandpa’s homemade ice cream and catching lightning bugs in the evening. At 12, I may have been the same height as Mary - but I will never be as wise as she. Mary knows how to live a life that makes her happy, and when I grow up - I want to be just like her. So here are a few lessons in Joy that she has shared with me.

1. Dance Like Everyone Is Watching.

Mary and Grandpa were married for over 50 years. Grandpa was 6’4”. Mary is tiny but mighty at 5’4”. To watch the pair of them dance was a real treat. Grandpa would swing Mary around the dance floor quickly but carefully and gracefully. Grandpa’s hands were like these giant mits, but ironically he could still delicately twirl her. The two were in sync, without saying a word to each other. I admired how she would look up at him, and by letting him lead, she supported and strengthened him. They had very traditional roles in marriage. Grandma allowed Grandpa to make decisions for the family and be the breadwinner. But he would not make a decision that was not in the best interest of Grandma. Their relationship was a dance. As they danced, Mary knew all eyes were on them. She was never cocky or overconfident - but merely sharing her dance of life. Her give and take, building others up, so they could be better and watching them shine.

2. Play Cards.

Mary had a weekly card game with friends. She taught her grandchildren to play cards. You had to come with your piggy bank to play cards with Mary. She would not lend you pennies or nickels, and she would not pity you if you lost a hand - she would take your nickels. The card game always led to conversation, laughter, and healthy competition, not to mention the young ones practiced strategic thinking, math, turn-taking, memory, and concentration. Mary taught me to keep my cards close and never let the opponent see my bluff. The card game rules changed a bit as Mary got older. The wild card sometimes changed at every new hand, and as the wild card changed, the odds were always in Mary’s favor. I would never call Grandma a cheater - but I am not sure she always remembered which game we were playing. Playing a game of cards was time to spend together without the distraction of a television or a phone - because, let’s face it, you had better be keeping track of your nickels.

3. A Floor is Only clean if you Mop it on Your Hands and Knees.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness! Nothing is worse than walking barefoot through your house and having crumbs or the occasional Cheerio stuck to the bottom of your foot. A mop is not picking any dirt up but just pushing it to the side. Grandma always tidied the house for a guest or a grandchild’s visit. The counters were always clutter-free, the floors were clean, and we could always find a cookie or a snack in the cupboard. The act of cleaning can also be a source of distraction when you are feeling overwhelmed. I know I have found myself deep cleaning a bathroom when I want some time alone - no one comes to hang out with you when you scrub toilets - weird! Peggy Lou, Ph.D., licensed psychologist and director at Manhattan Therapy Collective, says, “Deep cleaning can be a great constructive physical outlet for frustration. “ I can vouch - I have immaculate toilets.

4. Never Let Your Age Determine Your Action.

From dancing to playing ball with the grandkids to water skiing straight off the boat dock - Mary did not let her age define her. Everyone along the river would come to watch Mary water ski. Mary preferred not to get her hair wet, and the boat would pull her straight off the dock into the water. Mary gracefully allowed the boat to pull her along the river as she glided in and out of the wake. When the ride was over, she threw the ski rope to the side and floated right up to the stairs of the dock - not a single hair out of place. Your age is just a number and should not determine how successful or what you should be doing, hence, being 46 and starting a new career. Mary does not take herself too seriously and continues to do what brings her joy, no matter the season of life.

5. Care for your Elders

Mary cared for her mother, and I remember visiting her farm. Mary visited neighbors across the street, would come bearing fresh rhubarb from her garden, or just stopped by to say hello. She saw friends as they transitioned to nursing facilities making sure they were not lonely and had a visit to look forward to. Mary would be there to listen and play a game of cards. She never got too busy for you and knew the value of talking less and listening more. Mary was always so grateful for her independence and health that I think she thought it was her duty to care for others around her.

6. Pray Often

Mary grew up Catholic. She taught us to pray before every meal. Mary went to mass twice a week. She dressed to impress with her pencil skirt and matching blazer. I still remember sitting beside her on the wooden pew in the stuffy un-airconditioned church and listening to her sing hymns off-key. Everyone at Church knew Mary and was happy to see her and Grandpa. When Mary no longer drove, she would watch mass on t.v. Mary still attends mass in the facility where she lives. She carried her rosary on her walks, praying for family and friends. Mary’s faith is strong. Some people say WWJD (What would Jesus do?). I always think, “What would Mary do” and that answer always keeps me on the right path.

7. Have a drink with Friends.

Mary likes her whiskey with a bit of water and ice. One of her favorite outings is to visit the VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars) and have a drink with family and friends. She and Grandpa would frequent the VFW when he was alive and celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary there. Mary was always a respected member of the community. She is friends with everyone, no matter who you are. You can be old, young, rich, poor, or grumpy - Mary will sit and have a drink with you and be your friend.

8. Take time to Treat Yourself.

Mary loves the Pay Day candy bars. She also loves black licorice; my mom and I would ensure she had some in her bedroom when she visited. She used to keep the candy in the top drawer of her dresser in her bedroom and somehow had the discipline to take a tiny nibble now and then. The Pay Day would last a week! When I had young children, Mary told me that when my mom and three sisters were young, she would get everyone off to school, Grandpa would leave for work, and she would finally have some time to herself at home. Sometimes she would pour a little whiskey and sit at her sewing machine. It was her time, her treat, for doing it all. Taking time for herself helped her be available for everyone else.

9. Move your body every day.

Mary always got a round fast. She walked every morning. When Grandpa was alive, the two walked together every morning. When the happy couple visited my family in Texas, we walked to the library, McDonald's for breakfast, and the grocery store; we walked everywhere! Even when Mary needed the walker for assistance, she kept walking. Moving your body every day is essential for physical and mental health. Mary is a big believer in “use it, or lose it!”

10. Homemade Peanut Butter Cups are Impressive cookies to share - and super easy to make!

I was lucky to spend a few Christmases with Mary as a child. It was Christmas Eve mass at midnight, stringing popcorn to put on the tree, and cousins running up and down the basement stairs. Mary would suit us with extra socks on our hands and feet with bread bags tied over them to prevent them from getting wet in the snow. All the cousins would take turns sledding down the hills of the nearby golf course. Carrots and black licorice were distributed to add a nose and eyes to our snowmen in the front yard. That was the holiday that I discovered the peanut butter cups. To eat them is heaven, the perfect blend of salty and sweet. I gift the cookies to friends and get requests for them every year. They are always a fan favorite and last in the freezer for months! They are so easy - I hate to share the recipe and reveal our secret, but they are too good not to!

I am grateful that Mary is still with us. She does not remember many of the stories I have shared today, but she will never forget the importance of family and friends. Family reunions, when everyone returned to her home from miles away, were her favorite gift. It is possible that Mary can attribute her 97 years of health to her relationships. According to the infamous study at Harvard that tracked the health of 268 Harvard Sophomores beginning in 1938, close relationships led to a happier life. “The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” said Robert Waldinger, director of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital, and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.”

Grandma Monnin knew that time with family and friends was precious and never took it for granted. She took the time to grow those relationships, had the hard conversations, laughed, encouraged, and loved deeply. We are all happier with a little Mary in our life.